We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
