She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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