it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
