dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
