if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
