Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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