I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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