pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
