we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
