they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
