if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize