This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
