Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
