we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
