so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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