im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
