If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
