Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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