I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
