the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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