i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pooping to opera.
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