yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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