Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
