can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
