it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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