You just made me feel so damn special
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
