Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
love makes seman taste better
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
