need another drink. this is the easiest way
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
