wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
