he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
