so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
