I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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