Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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