Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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