And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize