Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
