My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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