Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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