Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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