Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
