it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize