At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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