So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
