I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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