dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
