my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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