I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
