I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
