Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
