Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
