I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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