I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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