So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
