Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
