Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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