I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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