Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
