pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
