note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
