i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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