Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
