last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
