so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
