OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
