Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
