Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
