Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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