So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
