Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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