dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
