i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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