good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
