He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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