I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
