I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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