quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
