I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
