Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Boobs speak an international language.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize