oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
