yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
