Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
