Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
