A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
