Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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