If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize