Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
