I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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