I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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