the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
