so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
