I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
