So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
