Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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