and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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