Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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