I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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