Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Boobs speak an international language.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
