Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize