I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Iโm going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when Iโm on my period. If that isnโt love I donโt know what is.
Randomize
