Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
